Better Late Than Never...

I wrote this on Monday (June 6th), but didn’t get it posted … So here it is (4 days late)!

My Dirty Little Secret

Okay, here it goes. To get Evan to bed, whether it be at nighttime or for his nap, I give him a bottle and rock him to sleep. Oh, there it is! Do I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders? Not exactly, I’m too tense worrying about the backlash I’ll get from my confession. So ladies, give it to me. What do you think of this? I told myself the cut-off would be Evan’s 1st birthday, but he’s now 1 year and 18 days old and I’m still doing it. Unfortunately it seems to be causing some problems as of late. The “problems” we’re dealing with however could be attributed to a few different things. For example, he’s sick (again), and he might be getting another tooth, I’m thinking that may be why he’s putting up such a massive struggle when I try to put him down. That or he wants me to jump into the crib and sleep with him… That is also very possible.

So here’s one of my mom’s dirty little secrets (which she probably doesn’t think of as such)… I was a scared little kid so my mom had to lay with me in order for me to fall asleep, then she would sneak out at some point once I had drifted off. This went on for years! When she stopped doing that I started sleeping in the same bed as my younger brother because I was still scared. It’s like I just needed to know somebody was there. I couldn’t even have a sleep over until grade 8! I tried, but I always ended up calling home in tears so my parents would come and pick me up. I was also terrible with babysitters. Not that I was actually “bad”, I just couldn’t stand my parents leaving. Every time they tried to have a night out I put them through hell (unintentionally) because I had such terrible anxiety over them walking out the door. I would cry to the point of hyperventilating. True story. I know I’m going a bit off track here, but this is the stuff that’s in the back of my mind as Evan protests sleeping. As he shrieks for me after I leave the room I can’t help but wonder, “Am I fostering an anxiety issue by rocking him to sleep? By answering his cries?” I know moms have very differing opinions on this, and I welcome them all!

So, as I said, I wrote that on Monday. Miraculously things have gotten a LOT better! Since writing about the bedtime battles, Evan has slept through EVERY night! He’s also gone down to bed easily AND he’s even been sleeping in! Wild! I am always amazed at how things change and yet it makes so much sense. Looking at me now I don’t think anyone would have thought of me as a scared little girl that couldn’t manage to sleepover at her friend’s house. We start changing from day one and we never stop! That is the beauty of life. That is what keeps things interesting, as people and as parents.

I Love Birthdays!

Evan’s birthday celebration last weekend was followed by my birthday celebration this weekend. I turned 32 yesterday. On Saturday John took Evan to my parents place in Almonte where he stayed for the night so John and I could have a date night downtown. We had a wonderful time! The weather turned around which allowed us to patio hop and go for a beautiful walk behind the Chateau Laurier here in Ottawa. I absolutely loved spending a night with my handsome, wonderful man. He spoiled me rotten! We started with a glass of wine and mussels, then we hopped to another place for sushi and more wine, and then we went to yet another restaurant for delicious cheesecake, more wine and champagne! We rounded out the evening with poutine (ya we did)! It was like we were young again! Ha ha ha!

I’m so in love with John. First of all he’s hot. That’s obviously not the only reason I love him, but I have to put that out there. I have a smokin’ hot man on my hands. Secondly, he’s always up for ANYTHING! He’s got endless amounts of energy and as he says, chutzpah! Thirdly, he’s hilarious, in his mannerisms and his words, oh he makes me laugh. John, my beautiful son, my family including my brother who left me an awesome singing birthday message, my mom and dad, and John’s family (now mine too) are the greatest gift I could ask for on my birthday. They are all healthy (which is an incredible blessing that I don’t take for granted) and they bring happiness to each other and to me. So maybe my “smile lines” are a bit deeper, maybe my hands are looking a little “old”, so people no longer say to me, “you’re so young”… that’s okay, I’ve got it good and I’m looking forward to this new year I’ve been given.

The classic date night extenda-arm pic!

And the no-flash pic taken by a sweet person walking by who saw us trying to take a picture of ourselves and offered to take one for us...

Before the big date night my Saturday morning was spent hanging out with this little dude!

My Little Nugget is ONE!

Today Evan is 365 days old and I am one proud mama, let me tell you! How can I sum up Evan’s first year? I think pictures say it best!

From this...


To this (5 months later)...


TO THIS!



He is a beautiful human being.

I love you Evan! xoxo

Birthday Extravaganza!

Following in his mother’s footsteps, Evan has started celebrating his birthday a week and a half early. I have been practicing the birth week, instead of the birthday, for years now. In fact, since hitting my 30’s I celebrate birth month! Why not?

We started E’s birthday celebrations with a photo shoot. Thank you Christine Tripp for taking brilliant photographs of our little guy! And for making him his first ever birthday cake! As soon as we put it in front of Evan he went for it. We had to blow out the candle quickly because he attacked that cake as if he had never eaten chocolate a day in his life. Wait, that’s the truth! He started with his hands, he soaked them in icing and started licking them like lollipops. I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous watching him chow down, thinking about what chocolate was going to do to him, but I let him have his fun. Next thing we knew Evan face planted right into the cake. See for yourself...


When he sat up he had icing so far up his nostrils he couldn’t use his nose to breathe. We got him all cleaned up, but chocolate icing was coming out of his nose for days.

Then on Saturday we celebrated in Toronto. John’s family is in Toronto so we thought it would be nice to celebrate there, as well as in Ottawa. We actually had a tag team birthday with his buddy Ashton! It was a zoo of family, children, babies, pizza, cake, gifts, and fun! Evan was spoiled! This is one very fortunate kid!

Poor little guys was so overwhelmed by all the people he hardly cracked a smile.





Here's the birthday boy stealing his friend Rory's treats.


Evan’s actual 1st birthday is on Thursday (May 19th). It’s a milestone and a celebration for John and I as much as Evan. We’re celebrating the fact that we've kept Evan healthy and happy for an entire 12 months! Considering we didn’t know what we were doing when we had him we haven’t screwed up too badly. He has become the light in our lives. When I see John look at him it absolutely melts my heart. This little guy of ours is a miracle, there is no other way to describe it. A miraculous, cake eating, smiley, curious, rambunctious, loyal, handsome, affectionate little guy… who is now officially walking by the way! Walking, just in time for his first birthday.

Never A Day Off

In the last week it has really hit me like a ton of bricks. You don’t get a day off from being a mom. An obvious statement, but knowing something is true and actually experiencing it for oneself are two different things. So what is it that’s happened in the last week that has made me truly realize that I am a full-time, 24-7, for eternity, mom? I’m pretty sure Evan’s energy brought on this revelation. He’s been sick for a week. He’s had a bad cold, yet his energy has not really been affected. When I’m sick with a cold I’m usually lethargic. Not Evan. Evan just takes his cold on the go, slobbering and snotting all over the place. Snotting, yes, new word! Use it!

I was tired this last week. I was fighting off some nasty germs myself, and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch, read a magazine and sip on some tea, but that is not an option for me anymore. Not with a very active son. I have never worked so hard in my life. I put in a full day at work, then I come home and mother my butt off, then I do house work, and if I’m lucky I get that hour before I have to put myself to bed when I can watch something funny on TV or read a book… The “me time” is the hour I’m cramming into my day… Before Evan it was “me time” pretty much all the time. Good thing I took advantage of it for all those years. Luckily, in many ways, I feel very positive about how I maximize the hours in a day. I can’t believe how much I do, and my sleeping has improved. I hit that pillow and its lights out! There are those moments though when I fantasize about Mary Poppins knocking on my door offering to take Evan for a few hours so I can do whatever I want. I’m fortunate that I have family and friends to watch Evan, but you know, those are always planned “babysitting” type scenarios. It’s not very often where, as a mother, you have someone show up in a random moment of need to give you a break.

Okay, so now I’m tempted to gush about how much I love Evan and how it’s all so worth it. That’s true. My heart absolutely aches with love for him, but that doesn’t change the fact that being a mom is exhausting sometimes and that sometimes I just want a day off and knowing that it is not an option makes me even more exhausted. I’m not going to spoon full of sugar it. That’s the truth!

Ever Been to Mucus Falls?

I have snot all over me. On my face, my clothes, and in my hair. Evan has such a bad cold his nose is like an open faucet, I’ve never seen anything like it. Just last week I was thinking about how lucky we’ve been over the winter, John and I were in good health all season, and Evan has really only suffered through a couple of small colds since he was born. Well now he’s got a doozie and it came out of nowhere, without warning he woke up Monday morning a total sickie. He’s being needy of course, but other than that and his nose he’s actually fairing pretty well. He’s such a trooper.

Thankfully Evan was healthy and happy over the Easter weekend which was a good thing because we had lots of visitors!

Here's Evan and his very good natured pal, Rory. I say good natured because Rory didn’t fuss once while Evan attempted to steamroll him in the playpen!




Here's Evan with his Nanu, Charlie (John's dad).


As you can see the Easter Bunny paid us a visit.


And here's E enjoying some Q.T. with his uncle Andrew and Lorraine.

Damaged Goods?

Are you the type of person that looks at yourself in the mirror before jumping into the shower or do you avoid the naked glance all together? I always look. I’m curious. It’s so rare that I see myself without any clothes on, I want to know what’s going on under the layers. I have to say I’m very pleased with how my body bounced back after being pregnant. My stomach is more or less flat and I don’t have any stretch marks. My skin is stretched, in the sense that when I fold my body in half it sort of gathers in an unflattering way, but really, how often am I going to be posing like that for anyone?! I’ve already told you about my boobs, they’re smaller, but I can deal with that. My legs have always been the bane of my existence, but I’m even starting to finally embrace them. I would say the only thing I’m unhappy with is my c-section scar. I remember looking at it the day after my surgery and my first thought was, “It’s so big!” It looked way bigger than my girlfriend Emily’s. I was so alarmed that I vowed not to look at it again for at least a few days. It looked better once they took the staples out on day three, but I remember still being upset with my doctor. I actually uttered the words, “I told her to make a small incision…” to myself. Now I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking, “She’s so vain!” Well that’s fine, you can think that. Obviously the scar is worth the miracle that came out of it (my little Evan), that’s a given people, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m working on my body right now, I’m working out and I’m eating better than ever (my trainer has me doing this no carbs or sugars, including fruit, past lunch). I want to be healthy and happy, for me, for my son, for John and for bikini weather. I can feel my little love handles are fading away, my arms look stronger, but that scar, that scar and the scar tissue around it fail to disappear. If you touch the actual scar itself it’s very hard, and on either side of it I have these bumps of, either scar tissue, or fat, I don’t know. It looks gross if you ask me… It’s like a little bum. Ewwwwww. Remember that first scratch you got on your new car? Remember how it made you feel kinda sick? That’s the way I feel about my scar on bad days. I love antique furniture, and if one of my pieces gets a nick in it I don’t get upset because it just adds more character. That’s the way I look at my scar on good days. Although I wouldn’t really want anyone looking at me like an antique. I’m only 31 for goodness sakes!